{"id":247,"date":"2019-02-11T09:47:15","date_gmt":"2019-02-11T09:47:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/?p=247"},"modified":"2019-02-11T13:29:09","modified_gmt":"2019-02-11T13:29:09","slug":"rose-mclean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/2019\/02\/11\/rose-mclean\/","title":{"rendered":"Rose McLean"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Photo by Jon Harley<\/p><\/div>\n

\u6728\u6f0f\u308c\u65e5<\/strong><\/p>\n

There\u2019s an old Japanese woman in our group. She doesn\u2019t talk much – her English isn\u2019t the best – but I\u2019ve found that if you take the time to sit with her, she\u2019ll eventually try and speak to you. It\u2019s always slow and often confusing, but I enjoy it. Shit can get deep sometimes and I like that. Seems like no one likes to engage their brain cells for stuff like this anymore. You\u2019d think that the end of the world would be the perfect setting to sit down and have a good, long think – and an accompanying talk. But no.<\/p>\n

People only care about surviving, about bashing each other over the head to drag themselves through one more miserable day. I\u2019m not one to talk, though, because I mostly do the same. I think we\u2019re just too chickenshit to sack it in – or most of us are, anyway. There\u2019s a few annoying optimists who think that we have a chance to start over – or at least they say it, maybe it\u2019s to convince themselves as much as anyone else.<\/p>\n

But this Japanese woman, she\u2019s great. She\u2019s told me her name, but I keep forgetting it so I\u2019ve given up asking for it. While the hunters are off scavenging for something edible that will make us starve a little slower, I join her next to her ratty tent. She\u2019s mending a pair of socks and I sit and watch her for some time.<\/p>\n

Eventually, she starts talking. I miss a good chunk of what she\u2019s saying, but there\u2019s this word that comes up komorebi<\/em>. It\u2019s a pretty word and, supported by some exaggerated miming and hand waving, I ask her what does it mean<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Sunlight filtered through trees.<\/em><\/p>\n

Too bad there\u2019s neither sunlight nor trees anymore.<\/p>\n

Listen<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s big, the face bright blue. A cartoon cat sitting in a ring of numbers, the eyes moving from side-to-side along with a thin hand. The ticking is loud, obnoxious some would claim.<\/p>\n

How can you sleep next to that<\/em>?<\/p>\n

But to her it\u2019s familiar, soothing, the rhythm of deep breaths from a deep sleep, the rhythm of a childhood well lived. Well loved.<\/p>\n

Can you hear it<\/em>? she asks.<\/p>\n

Can you hear it<\/em>? she calls, but no one answers.<\/p>\n

There is dust on her fingertips.<\/p>\n

The clock has stopped.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stupid\/Guilty<\/strong><\/p>\n

You shouldn\u2019t, of course, but you do it anyway. You know it\u2019s stupid and, most of all, unhealthy, but you can\u2019t help yourself. It\u2019s to alleviate the guilt, really. That\u2019s all it is. And it\u2019s not like it\u2019s the most terrible thing. You had something to eat earlier in the day, had a small snack since then. It almost counts as a meal – it does. So, there\u2019s nothing wrong with simply brushing your teeth and going to bed. It\u2019s late and you can just have breakfast when you get up. And you will. You do. A whole bowl of cereal, a soup for lunch and that\u2019s it. Maybe a handful of nuts for dinner. Maybe leave out the nuts the\u00a0 day\u00a0 after. Maybe leave out the cereal. The soup is warm, rests heavy in your belly. Maybe leave that one out, too. Maybe just some nuts, then. Yes, that\u2019ll do.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Swimming<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why everyone\u2019s so into it. It\u2019s a simple survival thing. Someone however many million years ago was probably just sick of watching people drown.<\/p>\n

No way in hell did they do it for fun<\/em>.<\/p>\n

We might\u2019ve come from water, but that doesn\u2019t mean we have to go back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Born in Athens, Greece, raised in Vienna, Austria, and now UK based writer, Rose\u00a0<\/strong>McLean<\/strong> is finally fulfilling her dream of doing an MA in Creative Writing at Newcastle University.\u00a0When she is not busy having emotional meltdowns over fictional characters (both her own and other\u00a0people\u2019s), she loves reading, weird cinema and bopping to kpop. She is a parent\u00a0to two furry children of the canine persuasion, a passionate ethical vegan and an avid opposer of fast\u00a0fashion.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u6728\u6f0f\u308c\u65e5 There\u2019s an old Japanese woman in our group. She doesn\u2019t talk much – her English isn\u2019t the best – but I\u2019ve found that if you take the time to sit with her, she\u2019ll eventually try and speak to you. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7698,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"gallery","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-gallery","hentry","category-prose","post_format-post-format-gallery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7698"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=247"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":249,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247\/revisions\/249"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ncl.ac.uk\/bridges\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}