So this is going to be the first of my posts that ends with no news, no work tips, no job hunting slash failing stories, no what so ever. This is a genuinely confused person’s genuine confusion slash complaint.

In this life threatening May, amid my four untouched assignments, two work meetings, one group meeting and one soon or never birthday party (can’t really miss this one coz it’s mine…), I come to find that all I’m capable of doing is wondering, and wondering, that what kind of job should I go for?

A job linked to my degree, because why did I take on this hellish expensive Master’s in the first place otherwise? Or just any job, any job that I manage to find in this gleeful spree of global recession?

I have no idea. Well maybe I do. Of course if you like Reebok you wouldn’t go buy Nike, but in a situation of shoe or no shoe, I guess any shoe will do – unless you want to walk bare footed.

Going through my all-failing job applying history, I find that I have applied for lots of, actually, nothing but only, international language requiring jobs, but not, I’m afraid, because of my international language ability, but rather, my English disability.

But I never ever even considered media jobs – and that is my degree. I’m a journalism student for crying out loud! In fact, I’m a journalism student, who’s pretty much convinced that she’s not going to get a journalism job.

But then I start to really ask myself, if I ever did get a language job, would I really enjoy it? What if a few years later I want to go back to my media career and find I have no relevant experience?

Or maybe I would enjoy it, because after all I’ve done something similar and I always enjoy what I do. But will I ever wonder, that had I aimed at my dream career from the beginning would I have achieved something better, something I know that I’m capable of, something I know that I have a talent for?

So, would you consider yourself lucky, if you, compared to others, know what you want, or is that really a curse, because whatever else you do, a voice inside will always say – but this is not what I wanted…?