I had always considered the question ‘What do you want to do in life’ one of the hardest to answer, for that there were too many possibilities and I didn’t know if there was one perfect answer.

But not anymore, because I have the answer for myself now.I can’t really say it is the perfect one, but at least I have found a fairly satisfying answer for now.

I want to be a newsreader on TV, presenting in English.

Two weeks into my internship at Phoenix TV, still unpaid, still just an intern, I have realised how lucky I am. I’m actually doing something I like, and I feel positive about my future.

I’ve been working as an assistant producer (and they actually put my name in the end credits of the daily news programme too!!) for the daily 20-minute news programme, writing news scripts, editing video footages and doing news voiceovers. I enjoy it because I’m learning something new from the news everyday and I see my accomplished work broadcast.

However, I want to do more. It is fantastic working on the multimedia side because it is almost exactly what I learnt from my degree, but it’s not enough for me. As well as editing news, I also want to make my own news, come up with ideas, go out to find stories and interview people. Unfortunately as an intern that is something I cannot either control or demand, but I do spend a few minutes everyday slouching in my chair starring into the sky out of the 7th floor French window next to my desk, wishing that I was out reporting.

And then the ultimate goal is to be a news reader on TV. But everything has to come at a time, as a Chinese saying goes, you can’t become chubby with just one bite – I suppose it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in English, but what it means is that you have to take time to achieve what you want, not that I actually want to put on weight. Of course not.

It is now September again. But no longer a student I am. Things are about to change.

On the train to London, I found myself starring into the trees flying past the window, so fast, they looked like hundreds of parallel lines.

It was an interesting moment. I was as if completely sucked into a space of nothingness, but also, enjoying it. It wasn’t exactly a moment of quietness and peace, but something like that.

After an exhausting summer – doing a fulltime 12-weeks placement, looking for jobs, not getting jobs, getting very depressed about not getting jobs – I was here, on the train to London, where I’ll be starting another unpaid fulltime internship, I found that finally, here was a moment I could sort of relax, or rather, to stop worrying, fearing, and stressing. Actually, I could stop thinking altogether – because the decision is already made.

I was thinking nothing. And believe me that felt good.

I’m glad that I made my choice. It might not be the best, but I’ll hope for and try the best.

And there is pressure, always mounting pressure.

For me it’s hard not to compare with others. I graduated a year ago with a Bachelor’s degree, and decided to go on to do a Master. Whereas some of my then university friends have been working and changing for better jobs since graduation.

Others like me, who continued with their education, some are lucky enough to have found jobs already; some will have a very promising degree-related future; and some are still struggling, sort of like me.

Everybody wants to move on with their life and enter the next phase fairly quickly. Well at least some of us do. And I can’t help thinking that somehow, I’m already left behind.

However, having experienced so many uncertainties and difficulties, there is one thing that I do not regret. That is I completed a Master’s degree. I’m actually proud of it. I did what I enjoyed doing, and I made the most out of it. Some others may have been one step ahead of me in many aspects, but I wouldn’t change my choices for theirs, because it is my life, and I make my own future.