I’ve never really thought about having a blog until recently but I thought I would try it out and see how it goes..mainly for therapeutic reasons. Now before you get bored, it’s not as sad as it sounds. Since the age of 6 (almost 30 years ago!), I’ve struggled with insomnia – I can be physically exhausted; but my brain takes a few hours to shutdown. It goes through my day, my life, my worries, my concerns, my studies, tasks I need to complete, bills that need to be paid, stuff I have to do, life, the universe and everything that goes with it…until my brain finally decides to shutdown and then I sleep. Which doesn’t sound too bad if I don’t have to get up for work the next day…otherwise I survive on an average of 3-4 hours sleep.

Therefore, as it’s getting late, I thought I’d give this a try. Perhaps if I can put some thoughts into my blog, I may con my brain into shutting down a little earlier tonight….or not, that’s the theory, we’ll see how it goes…

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So, there’s nothing on TV tonight and I’m not in the mood for a dvd so am currently listening to the Changes (Mike Lindup) album. Yes, it’s old (1990) but it’s a relaxing kind of CD to listen to with a nice class of red when you just want to chill out.

I love listening to music. There are some albums that are the soundtrack to your life and when you hear them, even after a long period of time, you are suddenly transported back there. You remember the people, the sounds and the smells of the time period when you first heard the music. There’s a song on this album called ‘Life will never be the same’, which has a calming piano melody, the lyrics are:

“Days, I love these golden days – they won’t be here forever, so savour them, I must”

– this album was released about 3 years after I started working full time in the bank. Banks, in those days, were still one big happy family (job for life, etc.) before they all decided that “Call Centres are the future!” (obviously, the less said about that the better, needless to say I left the bank years later) however, besides thinking of the “golden days” and listening to this music, I’m suddenly thinking about work. I changed jobs 6 months ago and I’m still getting used to it, I’m enjoying it, but I think it’s going to take some time to adjust. It’s a busy job, and I also study part-time so am exhausted, but this week one of the projects I carried-over from my last job ended, so I’m hoping things might calm down a little now. In fact, the two projects I carried-over from my old post have now finished and I’m due to complete my studies (after 6 years) in October – perhaps I’ll have so much time on my hands, I won’t know what to do with it? That’d be nice, but there again, I still doubt my brain would relax. 😀

One thing about lying awake a night is that it gives you a lot of time to reflect. You think about the past and decisions you’ve made. I make it a point never to regret anything. I may have made decisions that turned out to be wrong or a bad idea, but I can never regret something that felt right at the time. This week’s been a time for reflection…

..I was going to elaborate but as this is my first post, I don’t really want to put up personal information that concerns someone else. Also, this blog is just meant to be for my inane ramblings, so I guess the personal thing will just have to go around in my head for a while. Which is ironic, considering I know there are other personal issues I should be dealing with (in my own head) but there are just some things you try not to think about….I guess it’ll come out at some point…perhaps on the blog, perhaps not.

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough for one night and I know I’ll still be thinking about stuff for a couple of hours – and my alarm is set for 6am.

ho-hum

night!