Nice thought. After a long weekend of actually doing work, I’m entertaining the thought that perhaps the PhD is the sort of dangerous addiction I should be giving up for Lent.

Of course, this is not the case. But it does help me illustrate what I think the situation is. I have now reached the stage where I can’t turn it off!!!! Thoughts and ideas running through your head, when you are in bed and meant to be sleeping (or whatever), the mad scribbles of notes on any piece of paper that comes to hand, the addiction of the PhD is really starting to manifest itself!

Now, that’s not a bad thing, but it is potentially very dangerous. Time to reflect and think about ideas is always a double-edged sword, you can get some things clear in your head, but then you are faced with a whole new set of problems to analyse and solve. Do you really want to go there?!?

Over Christmas I had the space to switch it off, but over Easter I know that’s not going to happen. So those nearest to me will have to put up with me going on about what I’m doing and writing notes all the time as an idea comes to mind. The creative process, I guess is what makes it addictive. Those moments of inspiration and the moment where it all falls into place is what makes it worthwhile. Those moments have largely been missing in the first five months of the PhD. I have, instead, been slowly demolishing my initial PhD proposal and now my theoretical framework is a nice complicated mess! But much better for it!

So since my last post, my time has been taken up by redrafting my Literature Review/Theoretical Framework section. I did the first draft before Christmas and then received some feedback from my supervisors. Then I set about engaging with more of the Foreign Policy Analysis literature and getting into understanding foreign policy in terms of conceptions of national role identities. This seems to me, to be really useful for thinking about Portugal. Its niche in European politics is its connections with its former colonies and broadly with the Mediterranean, so Portuguese foreign policy can then be constructed according to this broadly cultural role. Or so it goes, it’s been a long weekend my head hurts! So, with nearly 10,000 words chalked up and a section on ‘small states’ still to write, and the concluding analysis and loads of signposting and introductory bits, the 2nd draft is taking shape. And after meeting with Jocelyn and deciding on a better structure for the chapter it flows much better and is organised a bit more logically.

So progress on the theoretical side, but it comes at a price. I’m not a philosophical person and am reluctant to dwell too much on theory, largely because I’m scared of getting in too deep (and getting out of my depth and drowning!). But reflecting on the finer points of International Relations, European integration and how we conceptualise and construct political institutions and national identities has been an enjoyable experience. The ongoing structure-agency debate is something I have been trying to get my head round. I definitely agree that they can’t be separated and that one constitutes the other, but then you get into the whole muddy water of which came first and which one is more powerful. I told you my head hurts, so I’m gonna stop there.

I’ll try not to leave it too long until my next post! I am meeting another Portuguese professor this month so will report back about that. I also need to get my head straight as to what I need to do over Easter. But for the moment I need to get this Lit Review/Theoretical Framework draft done by the 12th.

But it’s nice to have had the afternoon in the office on my own with the freedom to do work, to procrastinate, to go on Facebook etc. in relative peace.