Month: November 2021

During the weeks commencing 25th October and 1st November, I implemented my findings on how to remain positive in the face of problems and tried to shift my mentality from negative to positive in general. At these meetings one of my mentees came to me saying that they wanted to stop doing one of their three subjects they had chosen. This was after the deadline date of dropping/changing modules so when I first heard that she was hoping to stop doing one of her subjects I immediately worried because I knew this deadline had passed.

Instead of panicking and stressing out like I would have previously done, I took a moment to collect my thoughts and calmly tried to brainstorm a solution. I had been in a similar situation myself in my first year of university and I went to seek advice and I was told to give it another month. I told my mentee to attend the lectures and seminars and put 100% effort in to the subject over the next month and see if that made any difference. A lot of the time we restrict ourselves from enjoying things due to having a negative mindset. This mentee was very successful in their A-level in this subject and really enjoyed it usually so I knew that she would not want to give up so easily. Despite me trying my best to advise my mentee positively, I had to accept that ultimately it is out of my hands whether they choose to continue with the subject or not and if they came back and still wishes to drop the subject, all I could do was refer them to the correct member of staff. I was able to positively see this as an opportunity to reinspire my mentee’s love for their subject and if that didn’t work then they were not meant to do that at university. By flipping my perspective and purposely trying to be positive I found that I could solve challenges more easily.

Having a more positive attitude at my meetings in general was extremely beneficial as it meant I was able to reassure my mentees that things will improve if they were struggling. A good mentor should communicate optimism and hope. By sharing my own struggles throughout the first term of university, I was able to instill hope and optimism in my mentees and could show them first hand that these challenges will pass. Although many stressful situations will continue to occur during my role as a peer mentor, I now feel more equipped to handle them in a more positive way, making me a more effective and successful mentor. Maintaining a positive attitude really helped me to solve any ‘problems’ as professionally as possible.

One thing I struggle with in general is remaining positive, nevermind in stressful situations and solving problems in my role as a peer mentor. I knew I had to make this something I focus on as it will hopefully have a profound effect if I can find some effective tips. A website called ‘Entrepreneur’ helped me to see the stress that I have faced in my life in a different way. It said ‘without those setbacks, you could not have learned what you needed to know and developed the qualitites of your character to where they are today’. Instead of viewing new problems as negative, I should see them as a positive, something I can learn from.

The conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time, either positive or negative and by deliberately choosing a positive thought, you can keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive. Since thoughts and feelings determine a persons actions,this will help me to move forward more rapidly towards my goals. Another tip I found was changing my language from negative to positive. Instead of using ‘problem’, say ‘situation’, ‘challenge’ or ‘opportunity’. By shifting my perception of an issue to being something I can learn from will hopefully to help me maintain a positive attitude throughout my role as a peer mentor.

By viewing problems as opportunities, I can reduce the burden of stress that accompanies problems and make them less intimidating. Seeing problems in a positive light helps to contextualise the problem, allowing me to think about the effects and potential responses to it, therefore making it easier to break down and analyse. Problems are inevitable and accepting this is arguably the first step towards handling them in a more positive, effective way.

When conducting my research, one thing that consistently came up was the advice of distancing yourself from the problem. Once the initial stage has passed, distancing myself from the problem can help me to think of the problem as a separate entity, totally unrelated to me. My role as a peer mentor sometimes makes me feel a lot of responsiblity for my mentees problems but by taking a step back, I can recognise that there is support I can seek that will help me to solve any issues my mentees have. I will devise a plan of steps I can follow to remain positive throughout my time as a peer mentor.

Whilst researching effective techniques for improving verbal communication I came across many ideas that I had never heard of before such as positive visualisation. A blog called ‘Virtual Speech’ discussed the power of the mind and how if we think and breathe before we speak, it helps to avoid nervousness and speaking before thinking which can reduce the credibility of what it is we are saying. I often say the first thing that comeds to my mind rather than thinking about what exactly I wish to say. Positive visualisation is a tactic employed by athletes before a race and by visualising themselves winning and focusing on this idea intensely, they give themselves a mental boost which results in a physical one. I know a peer mentor meeting with seven people is not the same thing as a race or presentation in front of hundreds of people but due to my lack of confidence, it sometimes feels like it. By using this technique before my meetings I will hopefully be able to prepare for the communication my meetings demand and therefore feel more confident in verbally communicating with my mentees, especially if I take some time to think before speaking.

One thing I found interesting when conducting my research was the technique of using the full range of your voice. I had never previously thought about the tone of voice I was using when communicating with my mentees. The human voice is capable of 24 notes on a musical scale but we only use about three of these everyday. My research told me that using a wider range will allow me to develop my communication skills effectively and help me enthuse or persuade people that I am talking to. Another tip I found similar to this is to breathe deeply to communicate effectively. Maximising breath and filling lungs when you speak is important for building effective communication skills and I found an exercise for this:

1. Stand in the Neutral Position and put your hands on your stomach.
2. Breathe deeply.
3. Try to push your hands out as you breathe in by filling your ribs.
4. Increase your awareness of this happening as you breathe – the movement and expansion of the ribs.

As well as trying this breathing exercise, something I think will be helpful for me is to practice speaking, whether it be to no one or to my boyfriend but I think that practicing having to run a meeting, ask questions, come up with helpful answers will be beneficial. Although I dedicated specific time to research effective communication, I will continue to do so throughout the semester to find more techniques or advice that can help my progress. I think one of my biggest inhibiting factors that hinders my development is my confidence. I plan to research how to improve confidence when communicating to hopefully solve my lack of confidence and help me to be more comfortable when communicating in my role.

The past two weeks, I have implemented research I found on active listening into my peer mentor meetings to try and help me be a more effective communicator. I consciously tried to do things such as focus on the conversation/avoid distractions and conclude with a summary statement. Only three people turned up to my meetings so it was easier to actively listen with less people there.

On the day I had a lot of things going on including academic, personal and emotional issues that were overwhelming to me so it was difficult to try and fully concentrate on the conversations and interactions, but I feel as though I successfully did it. I tried to make sure I was truly in the moment by maintaining eye contact so that my mentees knew I was present in the conversation and I think that made them feel more at ease. I found that by putting these thoughts to the back of my head, I took in more of the conversation and felt that I was much more engaged than I would usually be. It was interesting that my mentees seemed to open up more than usual too, so perhaps they sensed my active role in the conversation and that then inspired their engagement.

Some of my mentees came to me with issues they were having surrounding academic workload and worrying about housing for second year. Alongside directing them to the correct places in terms of support and providing advice and resources, I made sure to try and really listen/understand their problems. I utilised the idea of finishing the conversation with a concluding statement to show them that I was listening. This surprisingly (in my opinion) made my mentees confidence in me increase as they have come to me since these meetings for more advice and support. I didn’t expect such a difference after only two weeks but I guess my research has worked and I’m not going to complain! Although I was nervous to try out something new at these meetings I believe it was a success and one of my mentees even stayed at the end of the meeting to thank me for being so supportive, this made all of the stress really worthwhile.

The thing I found made a profound difference was trying to avoid distractions. I did not realise how much I was previously distracted during my peer mentor meetings and this resulted in me not being present or able to communicate effectively. I read online to imagine physically pushing all of the stress, emotions and thoughts to the back of your mind to help me focus on what was important in that meeting, supporting my mentees and being a good mentor. As silly as it may sound, this worked. For those 30 minutes I didn’t think once about the large amount of things I had going on at that time so this is definitely something I will be using in my day to day communication as well as my mentor role.