At the start of the pandemic in the United Kingdom as some form of lockdown at least looked possible, and as universities began to move teaching online, I began a mini project trying to repurpose Soviet joke. Inspired by Jonathan Waterlow’s brilliant book It’s Only A Joke, Comrade!: Humour, Trust and Everyday Life under Stalin (1928-1941) [available for purchase at https://www.jonwaterlow.com/only-a-joke-comrade] I wanted to see what value humour might have a in difficult and dark time. I also thought it might be a useful activity in engaging my students with Russian and Soviet history. In order to understand these jokes you you need to understand the historical context, as well as what was happening in Britain at this moment in time.
In the interests of posterity I have listed the first 88 of these jokes here on my blog. They may not still be funny (or even have been funny at the time), but they are both a prompt for thinking about Soviet history, and also what was happening in Britain earlier in the pandemic.
15 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke: – Does this shop have any toilet paper? – No. This is the shop that doesn’t have any paracetamol. The shop that doesn’t have any toilet paper is next door.
16 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke No. 2: Retired married couple on the bus: Old man let’s out big sigh. His wife to him: “I thought we agreed to not talk about the pandemic in public!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke No.3: Q. Which is more useful for communicating public information messages newspapers or the TV? A. Newspapers of course, you can’t wipe your ass on a TV!
Repurposed Soviet Joke No.4 with improved gendering: A spouse returns home to find their partner in bed with someone else: “You disgust me! This is how you behave! Any self respecting citizen is out panic buying!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke No. 5: Boris + Cummings in No.10 “Why don’t you want to reopen the borders?” asks Cummings. “Well I would,” says Boris, “only I’m afraid everyone would rush out. We would be the only two left.” Cummings looks at Boris in astonishment. “You and who else?”
Repurposed Soviet Joke No.6: The Chancellor is giving a press conference on plenty and the ever growing prosperity of the British people. In the back row comrade Smith puts up his hand. “Comrade Chancellor, what you say is very interesting, but why is there no toilet roll, rice,
17 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke No.7: Presenter on 2020 Great British Bake Off to contestant: “What are you baking?” Contestant: “Boris sponge!” Presenter: “?? What’s that?” Contestant: “Just like Victoria Sponge, but without eggs, flour, butter, sugar and a jam filling.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke No.8: Tesco online shopping website: “Your next available delivery slot is 7am – 10pm on 6 May 2021.” Checks diary: “Damn, I’ve got to report for my Covid-19 testing appointment that day, and they are voting for me in the local elections that day too!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke No. 9: School essay composition homework: Child writes: “My cat has just had seven kittens. They are all Trump voters.” From the essay composition the following week: “My cat has just had seven kittens. They are all Sanders voters.”
Teacher: “But last week your kittens were all Trump voters.” Child: “But now their eyes have opened!!!”
18 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 10: A man walking down the street carrying a bag of toilet rolls. A passer-by shouts: “Hey, citizen, where did you buy those?” Answer: “Buy? Are you crazy? Where can you buy toilet roll? I’ve had these weeks. I’m bringing them back from the dry cleaners.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 11: A man goes to his local police station: “My talking parrot has escaped.” “Report it to the RSPCA!” “I know that. I just want to inform you that I disagree with everything that parrot says about the inadequacies of the government’s coronavirus response.”
19 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 12: Boris Johnson summons David Cameron to No10 Boris: “I know you are telling jokes about me. It is disrespectful!
Dave: “How come?”
Boris: “I’m leader of the Conservative Party and Prime Minister at a time of national crisis.”
Dave: “No I’ve not told anyone that one.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 13: An international competition for the best book on #COVID19 is announced:
France submits a lavishly illustrated volume titled: “The art of love making during Lockdown”
England a treatise entitled: “Covid19 and World Trade”
Germany submitted a 36 volumes in the series “An introduction to Virology”
Italy supplied: “Classic Italian cookery at a time of crisis.”
USA furnished 100,000 leaflets announcing a sweepstake “Win a Coronavirus testing kit, no purchase necessary.
The Russian Federation submitted 3 volumes. Vol. 1 Coronavirus and our victory in the Great Patriotic War. Vol. 2 Covid-19 and the collapse of the Liberal West Vol. 3 How to rewrite your constitution in a time of crisis.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 14: A man returns home (and after thoroughly washing his hands with soap and hot water for two verses of the State Anthem), his wife passionately embraces him. She whispers into his ear: “Say those three little words to me.” He whispers: “I bought buckwheat”.
20 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 15: A man joins the back of a long queue (appropriately spaced) outside ASDA to collect his basic ration of toilet roll, paracetamol, pasta and UHT milk. After two hours of little movement, he tells the person in front: “This is ridiculous! I’m off to give Boris Johnson a piece of my mind!” Five minutes later he rejoins the queue. People at the back ask him why he is back? “I should have known! The queue to give Boris what for is ten times the length of this one!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 16: An academic is sat in the British Library newspaper reading room, with the dailies for the past 3 months and a pair of scissors. The librarian goes over to inspect: “Citizen, why are you cutting out photographs of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson?”
Academic: “I need some toilet paper?” Librarian: “Why not cut the newspapers into neat squares?” Academic: “I find that if I position the photographs just right, their haircuts at least provide the illusion of softness!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 17: Two prisoners are chatting: “What did they arrest you for?” one asks. “Was it political or just criminality?” “Political of course. I’m an IT Systems Engineer. They summoned me to No 10 to fix the Wifi.
I took one look and said: “Hey, the entire system requires replacement.” So I got seven years!
23 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 18: A man goes into his local shop: “I’d like an original Kandinsky, an Emperor Penguin, and a packet of paracetamol, please.” Shopkeeper: “I’ll have a look in the back for the Kandinsky and Penguin, but what makes you think we have any paracetamol?”
Well it’s just as likely as you having the Kandinsky and the Penguin!
Repurposed Soviet Joke 19: A British historian is on the phone to a colleague in Moscow: “I think things are still better here. I can go to Downing Street and shout. “Boris Johnson is a t**t!” Nobody will arrest me.
His Russian colleague replies: “No we too have that right!”
“I can go to the Kremlin and shout: “Boris Johnson is a t**t!” Nobody will arrest me either!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 20: History seminar 2050: Student to Lecturer: “Why did Theresa May go around in wellies, and Boris Johnson in chest waders?” Lecturer to Student: “Because when May was in government the shit only came up to our ankles.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 21: This is Radio Yerevan calling: Our listeners ask do you know any good four word jokes? We say, yes, one in particular: “REF is still on!”
24 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 22: This is Radio Yerevan calling: Our listeners ask: “Is it possible to make a chicken last all week?” Our answer is yes! Buy the chicken on a Monday and cook it on the following Sunday.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 23: Boris Johnson starts delivering a speech expressing solidarity with the Japanese Olympics organising committee: “O, O, O..” Dominic Cummings shouts from across the room: “That’s the Olympic logo on the headed notepaper, Prime Minister!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 24: A citizen goes into a greasy spoon: “Do you have cockroaches here?” – “Yes, we do!” – “Tremendous, I’ll have a big plate of those.”
25 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 25: This is Radio Yerevan Calling: Our listeners ask: “What is Dominic Cummings writing at the moment? Not one of his interminable blogs?” Our answer is, no. He is writing a true crime work called: How I helped the United Kingdom’s Covid-19 response.
26 March 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 27: This Radio Yerevan calling: Our listeners ask what is permitted in this crisis: Our answer: In Britain what is permitted continues to confuse. In America everything is permitted, including what should be prohibited.
In Germany everything is prohibited, except what is permitted. In Spain and Italy everything is currently prohibited, with minor exceptions. In Russia everything is prohibited, even what is permitted.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 28: This is Radio Yerevan, Our listeners ask: “What will the government’s next economic plan be called?” Our answer is, the Marshall Plan.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 29: This is Radio Yerevan: Our listeners ask: “Is lockdown difficult?” Our answer: “Only the first ten years!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 30: Son – “Dad can I have the cardboard toilet roll tube for my game?” Father – “Of course son, but be careful. We don’t get the toilet paper to go on it for another six weeks.”
2 April 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 31: 2050. In London, a boy asks “Grandpa, what is a queue?” “Thirty years back, there was not enough pasta and rice in the shops, so people had to form long lines at their entrances and wait until pasta and rice were on sale. That was called a queue!”
Boy: “Got it Grandpa. What are pasta and rice?
3 April 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 32: This is Radio Yerevan calling Our listeners asked us: “What is the most permanent feature of our new British economy?” Our answer, “Temporary shortages.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 33: This is Radio Yerevan calling: Our listeners asked us: “What is the difference between Russian and British fairy tales? Our answer: “Russian fairy tales start with ‘Once upon a time…’, and British, “The government is pleased to announce….”
19 April 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 34: Sophie Ridge to Michael Gove: “Will there be equality under your government?”
Gove: “Of course, nobody will have access to the PPE they need.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 35: Radio Yerevan: Our listeners ask: “Why haven’t you broadcast for a long time?”
Our answer: “We had to make some staffing changes. The previous announcer read an item that contained the words: “The British Government’s efforts to obtain PPE is nothing as compared with the German government’s.” He made too long a pause after the word ‘nothing.’
Repurposed Soviet Joke 36: This Radio Yerevan: Our listeners ask: “The British Government tells us that PPE deliveries are ‘on the horizon’. But, what is a horizon?”
We answer: “The horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.”
20 April 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 37: This Radio Yerevan calling: Our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to solve a problem which has no solution?” Our answer: “I’m afraid we are not authorized to answer questions related to the lockdown exit strategy.”
21 April 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 38: Dominic Raab is at the No.10 Press Conference. Laura Kuenssberg asks: “Foreign Secretary, why are you wearing one black shoe and one brown shoe?”
“Yes,” Raab answers, “I noticed this myself.”
Kuenssberg: “Why didn’t you change them?”
Raab: “I was going to, but when I looked in the bottom of the wardrobe, there was just another odd pair of black and brown shoes.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 39: -“Comrade Hancock, is it true that you collecting the complaints of NHS staff unable to obtain PPE?”
-“Yes”
-“And how many have you collected so far?”
-“Three and a half labour camps.”
23 April 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 40: Radio Yerevan calling: Our listeners asked us: “Why is the UK Space Agency not in a hurry to send Tim Peake back to the #ISS?”
We’re answering: “Because he may refuse to return.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 41: This is Radio Yerevan calling. Our listeners ask us: “Is it true that there are two kinds of people serving in the British Cabinet?”
Our answer: “Yes, those not capable of anything at all, and those capable of anything whatsoever.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 43: No.10 during September 2020 reshuffle. Boris to collective briefing for those considered “rising stars” suitable for joining the Cabinet: “Don’t make clever faces at me — you’re future Cabinet ministers, now act accordingly!”
6 May 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 44: Somebody knocks at Dominic Raab’s front door delivering a parcel. Dominic goes over to the telephone table, and searches for something muttering “…I know it’s here somewhere…”. He finds a piece of paper holds it up and reads loudly: Who’s there?”
10 May 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 45: 3 men sit (socially distanced) outside a court. One asks the other two, “What are you on trial for?” They reply, “I criticised the ‘Stay Alert’ communications stategy”, and “I praised the ‘Stay Alert’ communications strategy.”
“And you?” they ask. “I came up with the ‘Stay Alert’ communications strategy.”
12 May 2020
Repurposes Soviet Joke 46: BoJo opens a door, and the lights go on. BoJo closes the door, and the lights go out. BoJo opens the door again; the light goes back on. BoJo closes the door; the light goes out again. BoJo deduces, “It’s a refrigerator”.
13 May 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 47: At a VE day socially distanced street party, a very old man waved a banner with the slogan, “Thank you, comrade Johnson for my happy childhood!”
Someone shouts from across the street: “What’s that? Everybody can see, that when you were a child, comrade Johnson was not yet Prime Minister!”
“That’s precisely what I’m grateful to him for!” the old man says.
22 May 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 48: On a socially distanced bus somebody loudly sneezes. A policeman asks: “Who sneezed, citizens?” Total silence. The policeman asks again more forcefully: -“Citizens, who sneezed?” Everyone freezes still, afraid to look at each other. -“Citizens, I am asking who sneezed?” A faint whisper is audible from the back of the bus. – “Old dear, you are old, you have nothing to worry about, say it was you.” An old woman with a weak voice says, “I’m sorry I sneezed out of old age…” The policeman pushes he way to the front of the bus, salutes, and says: “Bless you, grandmother!”
1 June 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 49: Q: What neither allows you to mark, nor stay online? A: The online marking system GradeMark in Turnitin.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 50: A man parks his car outside Dominic Cummings’s house. The police officer now stationed there rushes over and says “You can’t park there! That’s right outside Cummings’s window!” The man looks perplexed for a second but then smiles and calmly replies: “Don’t worry officer, I will make sure to lock it, and anyway I haven’t got a full tank of petrol.”
24 June 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 51: This is Radio Yerevan calling our listeners ask: “What would happen if Donald Trump was given a heart transplant from a kinder, gentler, more compassionate man?” We answer, “In principle nothing, the heart plays no part in political leaders.”
25 June 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 53: Presser No.10 Downing Street: Q: Is it true that the government has been censoring the Chief Medical Officer? A: No this untrue. Unfortunately we have run out of time for discussing these important issues, and this is the end of the press conference.
29 June 2020
Repurposed (post)-Soviet Joke 54: A man walks up to a cabinet minister: “I’m going to tell you a political joke.” – “Are you mad? I’m a cabinet minister.” – “Ok, I’ll tell it to you twice, and very slowly.”
16 July 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 55: A man is arrested outside Parliament shouting: “Chris Grayling is an idiot.” He is sentenced to 15 years. 5 years for breach of the peace, and another 10 for revealing a state secret.
17 July 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 56: A man turns on the television. BBC1 is showing Johnson’s speech, BBC2 is showing Johnson’s speech, ITV is showing Johnson’s speech. On Channel 4 a policeman is waving his fist shouting: “Turn back to one of the other channels, and stop channel hoping!”
12 August 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 57: Gavin Williamson is asked at a meeting with UUK leaders: “what is 4 x 5?” Williamson: “Very roughly 18. We need to start designing and building based on these assumptions, and then during the clearing process you can clarify. If there is time”.
26 August 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 58: A citizen from the British provinces makes his first trip to London. On his excursion he finds himself at the end of Downing Street and asks a passerby: “What are these railings for, and why are there loads of armed policemen here?” They answer, “This is Downing Street, where Boris Johnson lives!” – “Got it! Great! That will stop the bastard getting out!”
27 August 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 59: Gavin Williamson is interviewed on #BBCradio4 on #today Nick Robinson asks: “Is it true that the Department for Education is standing on the edge of an abyss?” Williamson: “No. It used to be true, but now we have taken a big step forward.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 60: Why isn’t there are flour available in the shops? Because they have started adding it to the bread!
7 September 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 61: Boris Johnson was furious about all the jokes about his government: ‘It is a disgrace! Jokes and more jokes! Who makes them up? Bring me one of these joke writers!’ They bring a joke writer to Chequers. He pauses entering the PM’s office. “What are you looking at?” asks Boris. “I’m just looking. All this is very grand. You are doing well!” “Well what of it? In 20 years we will have levelled up the north, and everyone will live like this!” “Brilliant. Can I have a paper and pencil? What a brilliant new joke!’
16 September 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 62: A husband decides to hold a party for his wife. He takes the guest list to the local security police and explains that, to avoid suspicion, he’s happy to include the officer and any of his colleagues. The officer glances at the list and replies: “There’s no need for that. You’ve already invited six of our people.”
17 September 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 63: Why is the British coronavirus testing system the most progressive in the world? Because there were already more testing slots available yesterday than today.
18 September 2020
(Not quite a) repurposed Soviet Jokes No. 64: Father returns from his covid-19 test after taking an appointment at the nearest testing centre in Nerchinsk.
20 September 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 65: This is Armenian Radio; a listener writes to ask: “Is there life on other planets?” Our answer is that: “On other planets there is also no life.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 66: 2023 a British Tourist arrives at passport control and customs in Spain, wheeling two enormous heavy suitcases. On his wrist is a strange device with a tube protruding. The customs officer asks, “What is that on your wrist.” The tourist answers, “It is a new British wearable device. If I breathe into the tube it tells me if I am Covid-19 free, it takes my temperature, monitors my heartrate and runs Track and Trace’s new app. The Customs officer replies: “It’s a technological marvel!” “Just one more thing. What is in those enormous suitcases?” Tourist, “Oh, that’s simple – the batteries to run it for a week!”
21 September 2020
In lieu of a repurposed Soviet Joke: Two dogs at Pavlov’s Institute: “Do you think people also have conditional reflexes?” – “I’m sure they do. Look as soon as I press this button, that chap over there brings me food.”
22 September 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 65: House of Commons: “Prime Minister, why are there no toilet rolls in the shops?” Boris Johnson: “Because they have been burnt up by the radiance of the British constitution and its freedom!”
26 September 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 68: Sign hanging in university canteen: Staff and students please do not drop your food on the floor. Two of our cats have died this week!
Repurposed Soviet Joke 69: Boris Johnson television address to the nation: “Who said that I can only speak fluently when I have the autocue in front of me? Ha dash Ha dash ha.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 70: Boris Johnson: “The Americans were the first on the moon, Brits will be first on the sun!” Patrick Vallance – GCSA: “But the sun is so hot that astronauts will burn alive there!” Boris: “I’m not thick! We will fly to there at night!”
27 September 2020
Repurposed (post-)Soviet Joke 71: Boris Johnson’s main problem with the Cabinet is that he appoints people on the basis of loyalty, but expects them to be smart as well.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 72: Matt Hancock on Sophie Ridge on Sunday: “We are addressing this. The temporary problems in track and trace will soon be over. Then the permanent problems can begin again.”
Repurposed (post)-Soviet Joke 73: Dom Cummings is visited by the ghost of Stalin in a dream: “Dominic I have two tasks for you. First, purge Public Health England! Root out the wreckers! Reorganise England’s public health infrastructure in the midst of a global pandemic! “Second, paint the door of No.10 Downing Street yellow. Any questions?” Dom – “Yes. Joseph Vissarionovich, why should I paint it yellow?” Stalin – “I knew you wouldn’t object to doing in Public Health England!
30 September 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 74: A competition for the best repurposed Soviet joke has been announced. First prize: twenty five years; second prize: twenty years, and two condolence prizes: fifteen years each.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 75: A group of employees (definitely not academics) are on a Zoom call complaining about their institution’s response (definitely not at a University) to the pandemic. They are telling jokes. Sasha reminds everyone, “Comrades, talk one at a time.” “Why?” they all ask. Sasha explains, “I’m writing these jokes all down.” – “Crumbs, you must be able to write fast to jot these down.” Sasha replies, “No it’s ok, I only need your initials!”
2 October 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 76: This Radio Yerevan: our listeners ask: “What shall we do if suddenly we feel a desire to work?” We’re answering: “Just rest for a while on a sofa. It too will pass.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 77: Boris Johnson is talking to Dominic Cummings: “I’m receiving a lot of advanced praise for my new book – Shakespeare, The Riddle of Genius. It sounds really good, I think I’ll have to read it for myself!”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 78: (follows on from 77) The government has announced a contest for the best monument honoring the great English poet Shakespeare. The third prize was awarded to a design for a monument showing Pushkin reading a biography of Shakespeare by Boris Johnson. The second prize was given to a project for a monument which showed Boris Johnson reading the collected sonnets of Shakespeare. The first prize a monument showing Johnson reading a book by Johnson.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 79: A man walks into a shoe shop, and asks for a pair of shoes. -“Certainly, sir, what size?” -“I’m a 9, but I’ll take a 5.” “They are going to pinch awfully, sir!” “But, when I take them off, it’ll be the one moment of pleasure I experience all day!”
4 October 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 79 (sic): A new postage stamp is issued featuring Boris Johnson’s profile. After a week Boris asks if everything is ok with the stamp. -“Prime Minister the stamp isn’t being used widely.” -“Why?” -“The people keep complaining it won’t stick to the envelope.”
-“So whats the matter, is the glue bad?” “No, prime minister the glue is absolutely fine, just people keep spitting on the wrong side.”
5 October 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 80: News flash: “The Central Committee of the Republican Party is pleased to announce that after his recent illness, comrade Trump has returned to his duties, without regaining consciousness.”
Repurposed Soviet Joke 81: Boris Johnson visits an art exhibition: “What’s this blue circle with white spots all about?” “This painting, Comrade Johnson, depicts the heroic efforts of NHS staff to combat the virus.” “Ah-h. And what is this black triangle with yellow stripes?” “This painting depicts heroic Serco staff in Covid testing centres monitoring the virus.” “And what is this fat ass with floppy hair supposed to depict, eh? “Comrade Johnson, this is not a painting, this is a mirror.”
6 October 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 82 (Bishkek edition): This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What will be the results of the Kyrgyzstan elections?” Our answer: “Nobody can tell.” Somebody has stolen yesterday the exact results from the Parliament building.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 82 (Minsk edition): This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What will be the results of the Belarussian elections?” Our answer: “Nobody can tell.” Somebody has stolen the exact results from the Headquarter of Belaya Rus.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 82 (Washington edition): This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What will be the results of the American elections?” Our answer: “Nobody can tell.” Somebody has stolen the all of the postal ballots.
7 October 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 83: A boy is selling newspapers on the street shouting: Buy the “Daily Telegraph” read Boris Johnson’s party speech – just twenty pence!
Repurposed Soviet Joke 84: Q – How long is a working day in a British University? A – Of course the British Higher Education system employs an 8-hour day. (From 8am to 8pm).
12 October 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 85: What did one toilet roll say to the other? …. Hang on, when has anyone ever seen two toilet rolls together in the same place.
14 October 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 86: The Department of Health sets up a study to classify British citizens, and decides on the following criteria: (1) People who have already had Covid-19, (2) those people who now have Covid-19 (3) those people who will get Covid-19.
Repurposed Soviet Joke 87: Donald Trump is out swimming demonstrating his fitness and virility, but he gets into trouble. (Out of his depth) A passerby jumps in to rescue him, and pulls him to shore. Once on land, and having recovered his breath, Trump asks the passerby, what he would like as a reward. Realising whom he had saved, the passerby cries out: ‘Nothing! Just please don’t tell anyone I saved you!’
24 October 2020
Repurposed Soviet Joke 88: A charity worker greets Boris Johnson at a food bank. “Comrade Johnson, we have so many free school meals vouchers for half term that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to Camelot,” the charity worker excitedly declares. “But Camelot does not exist,” replies Johnson. “Exactly,” says the farmer. “Neither do the free school meals vouchers.”