Newcastle University Rugby League

NURL 1sts and 2nds suffered a rare double defeat at the hands of two spirited Northumbria sides. The unbeaten first team went into their varsity fixture brimming with confidence to play a Poly team who they knew would be extremely well drilled.

In a pulsating and hard hitting encounter, with players being continually smashed backwards, the Poly scored a shock upset under the faltering floodlights on a chilly Druid Park 4G surface.

An early try, surprisingly from top try scorer George Matthew saw the Owls take an early lead.

However, from the following kick off Northumbria began to take a hold on the game.

Uncharacteristic penalties given by the peanut headed referee led to Northumbria crashing over for a converted try and from there they kicked on to victory.

Greek god Andreas Methenitis worked tirelessly in midfield alongside partner in crime Harry Rigby, but this wasn’t enough for NURL to gain control in the game.

Dan Capaross ran his hardest eventually knocking himself out joining hooker Matt Woods in seeing stars and forgetting everything about the game.

This report will now break both their hearts in seeing we got beat and neither of them scored hat tricks.

With numerous players bowing out in their final Stan Calvert, the game could not be finished with a straight forward narrow defeat: the Owls’ big mouthed prop Conor Ellison took it upon himself to initiate a 26 man brawl.

In an attempt to make a ‘bad day at the office’ somewhat enjoyable, all participated in a good old fashioned biff.

Cards of all colours were dished out in the aftermath by the referee meaning the AU’s most beloved finished with just eleven men, with captain Griffiths seeing red.

Once again league champions and once again established as one of the top four teams in the country soon takes the edge off a day to forget. A semi-final against Leeds Met on Wednesday will see the boys in blue attempt to further enhance what has already been a fantastic season.

The 2nds put in a valiant effort against a very strong Poly outfit with NURL bad boy Frank Bagley leading from the front with a bruising display earning him man of the match. Edgy fresher Matt Fry also performed well, clinically finishing everything that came his way, apart from dropping it over the line, a moment to forget. An impressive display from Matty O’Neil defensively with centres Dan Shortman and John Portsmouth taking no backwards steps in attack led to NURL having some promising phases, but Northumbria proved too much for the death machine to handle. A third place finish in the league, a good cup run and Tommy Schoefield putting a big shot on in their final game, the 2s can look back at their season with a smile as wide as Conor Ellison’s waist.

Men’s Rugby League

Newcastle 1sts 42

Leeds Met 2nds 14

A wet and rainy Cochrane Park was the venue for another Wednesday afternoon win for the pride of the North: Newcastle University’s Rugby League. After numerous solid performances in previous weeks, Greek fresher Andreas Methenitis proved he is not as hard as he looks by dropping out late on. Rob Corner was brought in and attempted to fill his size 7 boots. Handsome hooker Matt Woods also wimped out with a minor ankle injury, despite being spotted kicking a ball in Jesmond Tesco car park just days earlier. Matt Toe’nail was brought in as an ample replacement.

Four points clear in the league, NURL were well aware that a win in this game would all but guaranteed them the league weeks ahead of schedule. Not to be named , again due to recent complaints, NURL’s top points scorer was playing at 50% fitness, but still managed to set up George Matthew for his first of the day from a well-worked scrum move. As regular readers are well aware, the Nottingham preppy rarely scores in ones, and this proved to be the first of a hat trick within 40 minutes.

After recent cocky facebook status’ and numerous emails to fellow AU clubs about how he would easily make any first team, Jonny Watts finally began to walk the walk. A 40m break down the right side from Tom Clarke eventually led to the unnamed halfback getting his talented hands on the ball; then cross field kicking to an awaiting Watts, who safely finished in the corner with Irish imbecile Dave Knox adding the extras from wide. After not scoring all season, Big Boy Watts now had a taste for it, and was not going to be stopped, sliding over for his second later on after a perfectly weighted forward pass from clueless pineapple head Marty ‘I like to party’ Jones.

By this point, the Owls were in full control and this metaphorical wheel, which I so often speak about, was this week steered by last year’s man of bash, Myles Hudson, who put in a bruising display which nearly saw him lose an ear in contact. Jack English was then brought on out of position into the centres, dropping the ball immediately. Eager to make amends, Jack later used all his native strength to muscle his way over the line for a further 4 points.

Dan Capaross’ try scoring record for the Owls in previous years has been very questionable, however this can now be compared to ‘waiting for a bus’ – you wait and wait then two come along at once. After 70+ appearances, the PHD drongo bagged his first try last week only to go and get another this week in even finer fashion. Staying with the older end of the team, Andrew Beanz scored a rare try to finish another successful day for the league toppers. A special mention must go to horse loving farmer boy Charles Hyland, who was solid in both attack and defence.

Unbeaten but wounded, the Owls will be resting their wings this week to ensure an away win at Edge Hill next Wednesday to wrap up the league title for the third time in three years.

Liverpool 1sts 12

Newcastle 1sts 20

The Owls made a long trip last Wednesday to take on second placed Liverpool University. Despite the tiring journey, Newcastle ran out comfortable winners, in a game that could go along way to deciding the Championship.

Hindered by the absence of starting centres Myles Hudson (job interview) & Matthew Jones (visiting his girlfriend at Northumbria), NURL welcomed Dean Noble and edgy wannabe Charlie Hyndman into the centres.

Wet and windy conditions once again proved a difficult factor to allow any team to play great rugby, but this didn’t stop George Matthew going over early on from a delicately placed Chris Griffiths kick.

Moments later Griffiths turned scorer as he stepped numerous baffled Liverpool University defenders to slide over the whitewash just to the right of the sticks. The conversion was added swiftly afterwards to increase the Toon’s lead.

Hooker Matthew Woods finally began to make an impact on the NURL 1st XIII, putting in an impressive 80 minutes petrifying Liverpool at every moment his soft little hands touched the ball.

Lager lout and womaniser Dan Caparross had a superb game with countless carries and career ending tackles.

Connor ‘Cupcake’ Ellison was his usual silly self and couldn’t even be trusted as a linesman for the game.

Sporting a nasty looking scar on his left eye from an early collision, George Matthew soldiered on and managed to go over for his second of the day putting The Owls in cruise control with Dave Knox reliably steering the wheel.

Not to be outdone, Griffiths later weaved over for his second try of the day giving the English Language lothario a total of four for the match.

Beanzy’s son Tom Clarke looked certain to go over in the corner late on to rub further salt onto the Liverpool slugs but managed to bomb a simple two on one- his team mates left furious. Louisa Rigby’s brother, Harry, was the most angered but this was nothing some of his ‘spooky Halloween special brew’ couldn’t sort out on the long victorious journey home.

Four wins from four for the AU’s most admired and treasured club, sees the Owls head the table. No complaints from Frazer at head office – yet.

The AU’s most beloved roll into the 2012/2013 season with a newly appointed coach and international league star Chris Parker and with a heap of talented freshers’ to further add to the most successful club in the University’s history.

Last year will be difficult to top for the 1st team, winning the league, their Stan Calvert bash up and narrowly missing out on a BUCS final appearance after star halfback Griffiths broke his collar bone (and nose probably) with just minutes gone in the game against Loughborough. Old crowd favourites and socialites Dave Knox, Micky Ward & Andrew Beanz are now part of the furniture and will be looking to go out with a bang on their final season at the club. Jack English finally did something useful for NURL over summer, and persuaded a good looking Matthew Woods to come and offer his services to NURL. A hooker or halfback he’s one to watch, also looks to be a good goal kicker after only just missing in front of the posts against Sheffield in a pre season friendly. Daniel Capman is looking in peak condition at last and is registering 20 seconds flat over 100m, another man to keep your eye on both on and off the pitch.

The second string outfit have room for improvement on last year and improvement is inevitable with no nonsense Neil Hanratty returning to the pack. Ryan Fletcher returns from a year in Somalia, he is the final piece in the NURL-Garforth jigsaw as fellow ugly men Josh ‘BishBashBosh’ Cranage and Zeus-esque Andreas Mehmeti also feature. Gorgeous George will be captaining the second team after impressive displays in pre-season training. Ginger Jack was due to make his debut for the 2s this coming Wednesday however a unfortunate incident with a double decker bus left him with no option but to sit out.

NURL are looking in better shape than ever, minus a few, and will undoubtedly be looking for a team and club of the year nomination come the end of the season as well as two league victories and successful cup runs. They will be guided by arguably the most handsome committee across the AU with the likes of ‘blonde’ haired blue eyed Marty Jones overseeing finance, rugged preppy George Matthew and Big Jon Watts in charge of administration. To add to that Harry Rigby and Dan Capaross will be in charge of the impossible task of choosing which girls have the pleasure of a social with us come Wednesday night. Finally Chris Griffiths and last years Man of Bash ‘Our lal Mylsey’ front up the Presidency dealing with anything from laundry to players personal issues.