NURL 1sts – 31
Sheffield Hallam – 24
The Owls put Hallam to the sword for the second time this season after a 31-24 home win on a bitterly cold day at Cochrane Park.
The AU’s most beloved team, sponsored by the ever supportive Accenture, got back to winning ways this week after making an uncharacteristically slow start to the season, though they made life hard for themselves for long periods of the match.
The Death Machine enjoyed a record attendance for a home match thanks to the teachers’ strike and were on the front foot right from the first whistle. Barney Rubble Yeend cut a deadly line through the heart of the visiting defence to give NURL possession deep inside the Hallam half and just a few phases later the ball was shipped wide to shaggy-haired hippy Tom Clark who sped over in the corner for his first try in NURL colours.
The advantage was doubled shortly after when hooker J. Baker-Smith scooted over from a few yards to touch down just to the left of the sticks, 8-0.
Things were starting to look rosy for the hosts, however, as has been the story for much of their season, the Death Machine began to give away penalties in crucial areas. Hallam exploited their hosts ill-discipline to score a couple of poor tries, and take the lead.
It was debutant Jack Portsmouth who got the hosts back in front, touching down after some expansive handling from the NURL back line. Andy Urqurarheart walked the ball into contact before offloading to Chris Griffiths who evaded a number of tackles and spun the ball wide to Portsmouth who got his name on the scoreboard for the first time.
This was a game of two halves, obviously, and the second period proved an equally tight affair.
NURL were back under pressure when Hallam once again made their academic superiors pay for a lack of discipline, scoring a handful of tries quickly after a succession of needless errors from the Newcastle scholars.
Fortunately for the Death Machine their resident dance supremo Myles ‘Robson’ Hudson decided to turn his attention away making five tackles per set and laced up his attacking boots. His first of two tries came after an excellent solo run, racing past the defence and touching down directly under the posts, much to the delight of the adoring crowd.
The team were lifted again with the much anticipated introduction of Papa New Guinea’s Sports Personality of the Year – Micky Ward. After a lengthy break due to chronic groin rot, Ward came into the team and blasted his way through despairing tacklers all over the pitch.
The Owls were now in the ascendancy and reaped the rewards in final stages of the match. Tireless work from weak-nosed Harry Rigsby and womanising pervert Dave Chats started a flowing move for the hosts, which ended in Ward selling a dummy to the Sheffield full back and scoring to the right of the posts.
In no longer than it takes Dave Knox to spend £50 in Gotham Town, the Death Machine had scored again. It was Ward who turned provider this time, offloading to Myles Hudson who completed a brilliant brace under the posts.
Just to add insult to injury, stand-off Griffiths slotted the world’s ugliest drop goal, much to the delight of frizzy haired captain Knox who yelped ‘yeeha!’ and punched the air, sealing the Owls’ 31-24 win.
The Death Machine can take a lot of positives from this well deserved win, though things might have been far different had it not been for a few moments of individual magic. The team can ill-afford to keep giving away so many penalties, especially considering they have a score to settle in their final match before Christmas away to the Desperate Scousewives.