You will have heard, of course, of 1500s London; after all, its reputation for having bouts of plague, crowds filled with pickpockets and a brothel on every corner definitely precedes it! However, don’t be too quick to dismiss it purely due to these health and safety risks – this week, we have some hidden gems to share that will leave you desperate to plan your next day trip!

1 – The Theatre 

If you’re looking for somewhere to sit down, relax, and quietly watch a play, then the theatre may be the place for you (seated tickets from only ‘one English penny’)! However, if you are looking for somewhere to eat, make noise, and watch some sort of bawdy jig… then the theatre is definitely the place for you! Every day at around 2pm, you can visit one of the various playhouses (just look for a ‘house with the thatched roof’) and see all kinds of plays. Our insider tip: look out for the flag on top of each theatre, as the colour indicates the genre of the performance (e.g. black for tragedy). Similarly, if you have a favourite playwright, make sure you choose the right theatre – Marlowe tends to write for the Rose, for example, while Shakespeare favours the Swan. Although, if we are being honest, they do tend to copy each other a lot anyway, so don’t sweat it if you find yourself at The Merchant of Venice rather than The Jew of Malta! Similarly, if long speeches of ‘passionating’ aren’t your thing, fear not: ‘food and drink are carried round the audience’ and after all that droning on, the players tend to end the performance by dancing ‘very charmingly in English and Irish fashion’. If Kempe is playing the fool, you’re in even more luck, as he is a ‘noted morris dancer’ and we know how Shakespeare loves to write his parts to suit his actors!  Even if you only get chance to pass by these theatres, their architecture is an attraction in itself: they have been described as having ‘notable beauty’.

Readers Vote: ‘the largest and the most magnificent is… the Swan Theatre!” – Johannes de Wit

2 – The Baiting Houses

If the theatre just doesn’t provide enough murder and gore to keep you interested, head on down the street to one of South Banks many cock/bear fighting arenas. Their ‘circular’ structure with ‘galleries round the top for spectators’ may quite rightly remind you of the theatre. However, in complete opposition to the theatres’ seating plan, here ‘those with wagers… sit closest’ whilst those ‘merely present on their entrance penny sit around higher up’! Although these bloody performances provide ‘a most delightful spectacle’, if paying a visit here is your top priority, make sure to plan your trip during the ‘three quarters of the year’ they are held – otherwise you’ll have to make do with something far less gory – Titus Andronicus, perhaps?

Tourist Review: ‘(the birds) are very large but just the same kind as we have in our country’ – Thomas Platter

3 – Inns, Taverns and Beer Gardens

Last but not least, these establishments are especially perfect if you missed out on one of the others – their patrons are prone to ‘fiddling’ and being ‘rioutous’, so if you mistimed your arrival and had to forgo the play or the animal baiting, there’s always a bit of music and fighting here to help you catch up! Another great attraction is the accessibility of such spaces for women – obviously, you girls can’t act and you’ll no doubt faint at the sight of blood, so here is the place you’ll truly appreciate best. In fact, why not ‘bring three of four other women along and… gaily toast each other’? Sure, maybe that doesn’t sound quite as exciting as the other attractions, but hey, at least here you can interact with a man and it be called a ‘great honour’, rather than a sure sign of adultery, right?

Top Tip: Don’t worry, women can still attend both the theatre and animal baiting shows! Just make sure to go with your husband and keep yourself to yourself, or you may end up as the subject of one of the many ballads you’ll hear in the taverns!

Above is our exclusive sneak peak at the performance schedule at the Rose Theatre this year! Use it to plan your trip accordingly! Our Top Picks are Docter Ffostose (don’t accidentally confuse the players for real devils and run out screaming, though!) and Tamberlen (rumour has it there’s a Tamberlen 2 in production!).

So there you have it: if our guide hasn’t persuaded you, we don’t know what will! Look out for next weeks issue: 7 Signs Your Wife is Having an Affair with your Apprentice and Plotting to Kill You.

Amy Sandbach, Helena Eades, Helena Hussey, Louis Linsey, Ruairidh Watt.